Intentional Change
When you’re intentional, the changes you make align with your vision of what’s possible and you’re confident they’re right for you. However, we often encounter resistance. Here are a few examples of what happens when the people in your life realize they can’t escape adapting to the changes you’ve introduced:
You tell your best friend that you’re moving to Denver for a new job, and they sound supportive: That was fast. Colorado is beautiful and you’ve wanted to move there since college. However, their body language betrays them and leaves you wondering, what are they really thinking? Something closer to: You’re abandoning me. I want to change jobs, too. How can we stay friends when you’re thousands of miles away?
You signed-up to run a 5K and your partner’s response seems positive: That charity does great work and you’ve been looking for a reason to bike. Are they really thinking, Great for you. But what am I supposed to do when you are with your friends, training every weekend?
Finally! Your promotion is announced and your boss’ response leaves you scratching your head and slowing seething. You were my first hire, and I am proud that you got the promotion but, I’ll still be calling on you for support until I hire and train your replacement. Are they really thinking: I’m still in control here. I’ve been here for six years, you for only two. It’s not fair that we’re going to be peers!
Often, the people in our lives (partners, colleagues, friends, and family members) have no clear intention of switching things up. When you share your intentional change, they may take things personally and bristle at losing control while wrestling with internal conflicts they aren’t aware of or comfortable articulating.
Approach your next change alert with optimism. Remind yourself that no one can control what other people think or do. Take a step back from the situation and imagine the impact your change is likely to have on the other person.
Anticipate a response that’s somewhere in the range of enthusiastically positive to angry and combative
Plan when, where, and how to share your news. Consider meeting one on one.
Eliminate confusion by using simple phrasing
Tell the truth
Listen carefully and don’t interrupt
Check their body language for clues to what they might be thinking and not saying
Tune into their emotions and thoughtfully acknowledge their concerns; offer assurances
Don’t make promises you cannot keep
If you hit an impasse, offer to revisit the conversation. With time to process your news, most people will come up with a plan to navigate their new reality and ultimately, support you.
“Difficult conversations are almost never about getting the facts right. They are about conflicting perceptions, interpretations, and values.”
― Douglas Stone, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Not everyone will back you. Accept the truth without judging them and quickly refocus your attention and energies on moving forward.
Now that you’ve got one change in motion, what’s next? Be intentional and do the work. Need a guide? Schedule a free, exploratory coaching session.
